A MORNING WITH MAYA
It was the Fall
of 1992 and for several days I had been fighting a sinking feeling
of discouragement. My money was running out and I had to come
up with a way to pay the rent. I had serious health problems and
was living on a small disability income from Social Security.
My energy level was extremely low and I lived with constant, debilitating
fatigue.
As a part of my divorce settlement I had been awarded lifetime
financial support from my ex-husband because I was unable to work,
but he had never paid that willingly and I had used up much of
my resources fighting him in court. We had been married for seventeen
years, and he had been a minister when we first married, so I
was not prepared for the hatefulness and bitterness that accompanied
our divorce proceedings. The anger and hatred that was on-going
for years after the divorce was final, had taken its toll on my
emotional and physical health. I finally came to the conclusion
that nothing was worth the fighting and even if I ended up a “bag
lady,” pushing a shopping cart around and living on the
street I was going to give up the fight for my court-ordered support.
I had been forced to sell the home we had lived in and a large
portion of the proceeds had gone to pay attorney’s fees.
The remainder had supported me for several years. Now that money
was long gone. I had moved to the state of Washington and was
living in a small rental house, but the landlord had just raised
the rent for the third time and it was due.
A good friend had taken me to lunch one day and then to one of
his favorite bookstores to browse. While there I ran across Maya
Angelou’s book, The Heart Of A Woman. For many years, ever
since I first read her autobiographical, I Know Why The Caged
Bird Sings, Maya Angelou has been my self-appointed mentor. I’ve
read all her books and find her to be an inspiration in my life.
I admire her more than any other woman author I’ve ever
read. Once in Sacramento, California, I had the privilege of hearing
her speak in person. Her enthusiasm for living and her presentation
of her own poetry were a truly unforgettable experience. My brother,
who is a minister, went with me and I don’t know when I’ve
heard more “Amens” out of anyone! Once again, in reading
from The Heart of a woman, I saw how she confronted her own life
with such wonder and luminous dignity and I was moved. She had
faced the struggle of raising her son alone, to put food on the
table, and to pay the rent, while at the same time being actively
involved with Martin Luther King, Jr., in the fight for civil
rights. I realized that as a white woman I had never known the
difficulties and challenges she had faced as a Black woman living
the Black experience in this country before the beginning of the
Civil Rights Movement.
Maya says, “It is a belief in a power larger than myself
and other than myself which allows me to venture into the unknown
and even the unknowable.” So I entered into my quiet, meditation
time and called upon that same Spirit to see me through this difficult
situation and give me the courage to meet the challenge I faced
that day.
Thank you Maya!
Essay by: Darlene Eberhardt,
Sept. 10, 1992
