While I was having my annual mammography exam done recently, the technician and I were discussing whether or not the procedure was covered by Medicare. One thing led to another and somehow we found ourselves in a discussion of people who receive food stamps. It wasn’t long before I realized that this woman had some very strong opinions about people who received state assistance. She related a story about being in a grocery store check-out line behind a young woman using food stamps. The woman was dressed in leotards as if she had just come from a workout session at the gym. When she reached the parking lot, she got into a fairly new automobile. The technician remarked to the grocery store clerk, “Look at that broad! Dressed in workout clothes and driving a car at least five years new!” And then she went on to object to the fact that the young woman had her hair styled and was wearing make-up.

As I listened I found myself becoming very uncomfortable. I, too, was receiving food stamps and drove a car only three years old, (a gift from a family member). I also took pride in my appearance and had my hair done nicely and had make-up on. When I pointed this out to the technician, she said, “Oh, but you obviously need them.” Perhaps she was judging me by my age (54 at the time) and my health history which was there in the records. It made we wonder how we think we know by looking at someone’s exterior what they need or deserve? And why we think we have a right to judge that person? Yes, I know there is a lot of fraud in government assistance programs, but still, who made us the judges of those on the receiving end of those programs?

The part of the diatribe that disturbed me the most was the technician’s use of the word, “broad.” It was definitely meant as derogatory. It struck me as extremely harsh, especially coming from someone in the health care profession. An immediate thought came into my mind, “I wouldn’t want her taking care of me if I was ill.”

The lesson here is that we do not know what is in the heart of another person or what their needs are just by standing next to them in a supermarket check-out line. That young woman may very well have been a single parent with four small children to support. And why shouldn’t she want to keep her body in good shape? And look her best by wearing make-up and styling her hair? Where is it written that only sloppy, unkempt people with stringy hair who drive old wrecks for cars are entitled to food stamps?

This much I know. I don’t want other people to judge me by the age of my automobile or by any other outward manifestation of material possession or appearance. Life is tough at times and we all struggle in our own private ways to cope with our personal challenges. We all make snap judgments based on what we think we see in others, but with mindfulness we can learn to choose a different way of “seeing.” Next time we are tempted to judge another individual, for any reason, we can choose, instead, to stop ourselves and replace the judgment with the actual truth of the moment, that unless we know that person well, we simply do not know what the person needs or doesn’t need. These kinds of judgments are based on a need to always be right or to prove your own rightness to others. This comes from a place of fear or the self-perception that somewhere deep inside your being you know that you are not as right as you are trying to project. Today give up the need to evaluate others by comparison or contrast.

Essay by: Darlene Eberhardt, October 20, 1992