HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT

One of the most liberating lessons in life comes when we can be truly honest with ourselves about who we are (not the persona we present to our friends and the world at large), and what the person housed in this particular body is really feeling when life's situations become confusing to us.

For most of my life I lived to please others, a pattern of behavior adopted at a very young age as a means of survival. Because of my strict, Fundamentalist religious training I never knew I had thoughts or feelings of my own that had validity until I was well into middle age. It came as a shock to me when I realized how often I had been "controlled" growing up with the admonition "don't do this or that because…..what will people think?" I know now that is not so unusual.

It has taken years of hard work to get where I am today, comfortable with myself and comfortable with my "shadow side," that darker self lurking within. I've delved into so many self-help books, attended workshops and consulted therapists of varying degrees of competency, but the bottom line is that I did the work (not always pleasant) that it took to finally understand who Darlene is and what self love is all about.
The lyrics of the Country song, "Help Me Make It Through The Night," go something like this: "I don't care what's right or wrong. I don't want to understand. Let the Devil take tomorrow. Lord, tonight I need a friend." This song has always touched me on a very deep level. Every time I hear it, I stop and listen and feel a connection to a part of me that is always there, lurking in the shadows, wanting recognition, saying, "Hey, I'm here. Don't forget about me." This song is symbolic for me because it represents the importance of knowing my shadow side. It is only in not knowing that we can be hurt. Our shadows must be acknowledged and not repressed, for therein lies our divinity, our realness, our personhood.

On a superficial level these lyrics might be speaking to a situation where someone is faced with throwing caution to the wind and acting on an impulse where their behavior has the potential for hurting , not only themselves, but others as well. This is where the confusion comes in. When our shadow side has not been explored we are left without understanding as to why we are assaulted by impulses that we feel powerless to change. I suspect many a divorce has come about because of this very concept. Taking the hypothetical scenario one step further, if I find myself in a situation of temptation I might act on that confusing impulse and create havoc as a result. If, on the other hand, I have taken the time to explore my shadow side (the shameful, negative, "unacceptable" part of myself) ahead of time, I will be prepared to make a more informed choice and therefore reduce the risk of being unprepared to act responsibly in a given situation.
Honest self love requires that we love all of ourselves, not just the "nice" qualities. And in learning to accept and love the "not so nice" aspects of self, we are liberated.


Written by: Darlene Eberhardt, October 13, 1999